"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." --Stephen R. Covey
What is the best way to gain knowledge? There are the obvious answers: read books, take a class, ask questions, etc. But what is the one part (and perhaps the better part) of all these procedures that most people overlook? Listening.
Sure anyone can read a book- but are you actually absorbing the words? You can sign-up for a class, jot down some notes- but will the knowledge gained actually stick? (Or are you simply trying to “pass a test”?) Debating can be a healthy learning experience IF you’re open to accepting the fact that your answer may not always be the right answer.
Sounds simple enough- right? But it is surprising when you realize how many people lack genuine listening skills. In fact, a study concluded that only 10% of people who are “listening” are genuinely taking-in what’s being said without the readiness of needing to reply or prepare a reaction (or advice).
So why is this? There’s a number of reasons. One of which can be attributed to distractions. With our smartphones constantly going off, our “to-do” lists growing, our minds wandering towards the activities on social media, careers, family, friends, etc. it’s no wonder it can be hard to zero-in on what one specific person is saying.
Another reason can lie deeper in the psyche. Sometimes, one feels the need to “fill the void” with their own voice because of insecurity issues (an inner weakness or nervous habit). Feeling the need for THEIR voice to be heard over another’s (even if another person has warranted a legitimate need for the spotlight) or to shift the focal point to themselves can often be a need for attention in order to boost their own confidence.
So now you may be asking yourself, “What if I’m not a good listener- is there anything I can do about it?” Absolutely! There’s always room for a behavioral tune-up. (And kudos to you for taking a step towards self-improvement.)
Practice listening without interrupting or speaking. Avoid head movement or any kind of suggestion that you may be thinking or preparing a statement.
Going in with a clear, non-judgemental open-mind will help you discover realizations and make you a better listener.
Don’t be afraid of silence- let them continue to speak.
Once they’re done be open to asking them questions- allowing them to further speak.
As a leader learning the significance of listening to your staff is crucial. Take note: During a meeting, if you notice one person talking A LOT and another employee intently LISTENING it may be worthwhile to pick the brain of the one who is opening their ears rather than their mouth. Besides, chances are, you’ve already heard what the other person has to say.